Rules of Engagement

Even in the best of marriages arguments will arise from time to time. With two people of differing temperaments, tastes, and ways of thinking, how could it be otherwise? So here are a few rules of engagement:

1. Think before you speak.

Ask yourself if fear, stress, or worry may have provoked your mate's response. Is it bothering you right now because you are feeling insecure and unappreciated? Could you be misreading or exaggerating the problem? Take time to try and identify what's really happening.

2. Ask for what you need.

It's okay to admit that some days are needier than others. Dr Gary Oliver says: 'When a woman feels panicked every time her husband comes home late because her previous husband had an affair... it's okay to say , "I know it's irrational, but I'm having a panicky day." That kind of honesty strengthens a relationship.'

3. Ditch the baggage from previous relationships.

I have to quote a verse in the Bible which says 'Love... always looks for the best, never looks back' (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 MSG).

It's wrong to make your mate keep 'proving' themselves over and over again. Don't assume that old relationship problems are destined to keep repeating themselves. They won't if you're communicating and growing.

4. Never threaten.
Threats just make your mate defensive and insecure. As a result, they can't hear what you're saying and nothing gets resolved..

5. Say Something nice to your mate everyday.

Anytime you think something good about your spouse, stop and tell them. And when they reciprocate, respond graciously to what they're saying. Remember, sharp words can create wounds, but a gentle response defuses anger.

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